Is This One Thing Holding You Back?

Have you ever spent hours online reading nutrition and exercise articles, hoping that you will find the answers you have been looking for? Or you’ve taken months to investigate various fitness and nutrition programs, weighing the pros and cons, evaluating one approach after the next? Or you’ve said that you will try ‘this’ class or ‘that’ class, but you never work up the courage to try? Staying in perpetual ‘research mode’ or sitting on the fence when it comes to making decisions about your fitness or healthy nutrition can stem from fear - fear of trying something new or fear of stepping out of your comfort zone.

When we think about exercising more or eating healthy, we often forget to first think about our mindset; in particular, the role that fear plays in getting started with working towards our goals.

When our hearts and heads are overcome with fear, it can be hard to put a step forward towards living out our health and fitness goals. We can succumb to the grip of fear, leaving us standing still for a long time with no action towards shifting our nutrition and our exercise habits that will ultimately make our goals come together. We want it bad. We just can’t seem to get there. Being in a state of fear is like driving a car with one foot on the gas pedal and the other on the break.

How do you expect to get ahead? Somehow we need to convince our brains to let off the brake - it is safe to do so, we just have to let go, trust the process and accelerate!

There are so many ways fear can show up and mess around with our good intentions. It is important, before starting your journey or beginning a new journey to health and happiness, to assess your thoughts and feelings not only about your goals, but also around yourself and your mindset. Below we’ve outlined a few ways in which fear can present or manifest itself:

1. Fear of failure: We have heard it all before: “How do you know you will fail without even trying?” or “Is failing to take action worse or better than failing to try?” We often perceive one wrong turn, detour or fault as failure, instead of valuable lessons along your journey to help you grow.One way to let this go? Stop putting so much importance on the outcome. Play out what the worse-case scenario might be. Is it that bad? We often imagine it to be worse than it probably would be. You can’t project failure when you haven’t even tried. For myself, fear of failure showed up when I was training for my first marathon. The thought that I could put all this effort into training, to then have the day come and I would back out or not be able to cross the finish line, terrified me. In the end however, my fears were put at ease as I crossed the finish line feeling victorious.

2. Fear of the unknown: It hasn’t happened yet, so why fret? Often this is more about our need to control every little detail, i.e. getting caught up in the ‘how’ when we should be focussing on the ‘why’. This type of thinking can cause anxiety and can block us from reaching our goals. For example, wanting to sign up for a new fitness class and all you can think is “I won’t be able to keep up,” or “Everyone else will be more advanced than me.” You won’t know what is possible without stepping into the unknown. You might surprise yourself by what you’re able to do when you ignore the worries. I can remember having these feelings before my first spin class. Trying a spin class was brand new to me and different from my usual workout (i.e. running). All those doubts crept up and it took everything in me to ignore those voices. In the end I had nothing to worry about and I found spinning enjoyable and a welcome change from pounding the pavement!

3. Fear of change: Stuck in your comfort zone? Have you heard the saying; “Better to know the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” We are often afraid to change because staying with what is familiar to us, good or bad, seems easier than overcoming the fear of our lives changing, whether temporarily or permanently. For example, if I lose weight, how will I look? What will my partner think of me? Will I be treated differently? Change is necessary to move forward and to meet our goals. I remember running my first half marathon and saw some great results. Then I trained for my 2nd and my 3rd marathons and didn’t see much progress at all. I expected that after years of just running, I would continue to progress and get better. I expected a different outcome. I thought I ate healthy too so I didn’t think it was necessary to make any changes to my diet. But I wanted something different, and I got to the point where I needed to evaluate my training routine and my dietary habits if I expected different results. My fear of change put making program changes on hold. I thought if I scaled back on my running, I wouldn’t be able to run as fast or as long and move further and further away from my running goals. But, once I learned to trust the process, I realized this fear was a bit irrational as I wasn’t quitting ‘fitness’ all together.

4. Fear of the past: We all have baggage and we all have a story, but the importance is how that story defines our current situation. The saying goes “Don’t look back, as we aren’t going that way.” Fear of the past means that we may be afraid of reliving certain situations that are connected with negative emotions such as guilt, resentment and regret. They can hold such power over us and prevent us from moving forward. The ‘you’ ten years ago is different from the present ‘you’. The link is only in your head. In high school I was the short distance sprinter. I never ranked first, but I was pretty damn good. However, I was no good at long distance running and my roommate in college reinforced this belief on me. Preconceived notions be damned, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and join a running clinic. I remember my first 5km - I thought I was going to die and could hear her voice and see all those ribbons not received. But, I kept looking forward and haven’t looked back! I wasn’t athletic in the past, so what made me think that I would taking up running would be a good idea. I have never liked pictures of myself, so what made me feel that a photoshoot was a great idea. Heck, I have never seen myself as strong so how was I going to lift weights on a daily basis. Had I believed all this, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

5. Fear of disapproval: Fear of how you think others approve (or disapprove) of you can become a stumbling block. It can prevent you from trying something new for fear of what others may think or say about you, which in turn pushes you further away from being a part of social situations, articulating goals out loud or trying another approach to your nutrition. How many times have you changed your dietary habits to then have a friend or family member make comments about your food choices or how you used to drink and now you just eat healthy and are no fun? It has happened to me…numerous times. People will never have a shortage of comments or criticisms for you, even if they have the best of intentions. As you change and adopt new habits, it can be difficult to feel out where you fit in and to accept that your social circle may change. Fear of disapproval (or even overall rejection) just holds you back from feeling and expressing what you truly want. After all, it’s YOUR life to live. We should approach our new habits out of love for ourselves and not out of fear of the disapproval of others. This was a big one for me amongst my group of friends. My new healthy lifestyle was far more important to me than regular social outings and binge drinking. It took my friends and myself a while to adjust our roles in our relationships to make it work. It was also hard to adopt healthy habits too with a husband who eats differently than I do. But I learned that we could still love each other and have a great relationship by enjoying different foods on our plates.

6. Fear of losing control: We never lose our power and control to others; we give it away. We don’t need to fear others as long as we are true to ourselves and stay aware that we can only lose control if we allow it to happen. You may feel out of control already or too far gone, but as discussed above, that does not have to be your future. I can clearly remember the day when my husband sat me down and said my new way of life (i.e. fitness and nutrition) was a bit obsessive. I remember becoming defensive and saying that I had everything under control. But in hindsight, I had lost control. I had given it away to all of my many goals. Taking control meant re-evaluating what was important, what I could let go of and where my priorities lied. I thanked him for being honest with me as it forced me to take a hard look.

7. Fear of success: This one is more common than you might think. A silent fear of sorts. Not being able to handle or live up to the positive changes that comes from your successes. You get caught up in the “What if?” We think that happiness must be earned or that it is a far off destination. You don’t need to endure unpleasantness before reaching your goals.

Everyone operates from some type of insecurity. However, those that can pause for a moment to take note of their feelings and worries are the ones that can move forward. They can re-arrange their mental furniture in a way where FEAR isn’t front and centre. Your journey to better health and fitness isn’t about the how-to’s, tips, tricks, techniques or brushing up on the science, trends and approaches. It is about looking inward and reflecting on your feelings and how they are preventing you from moving forward on those goals you set for yourself. This is long term success. Choose to ask yourself the harder questions: “Am I living a life that is energized and motivates me?” if the answer is no, then evaluate how fear might be blocking you from living the life that you want and deserve.

For the past five years, there are two goals that I have carried forward each year and which I reflect on every New Year’s:

1. To meet one new person this year.

2. To try three new things. They can be big like my first marathon, or small such as trying out a new exercise or making a new recipe or just recently, rock climbing.

These two goals help me to overcome some of those fears that like pop up from time to time.

Now it is your turn!

How will you put COURAGE front and centre like a great piece of art, and let FEAR be the tiny dust bunny under your bed?